• heavymetalteacup

"Ludwig, The Defiant" Launch Video Goes Live, & Chicken Legs in My Throat

Updated: Dec 13, 2021

It's hard to believe after so many weeks that I'm finally done with his painting and the musical track to go with it - I was going to start the PDF tonight but it's getting late, so I accept that will be tomorrow, but I'm close now to getting the JSON over to TAILS for minting. I'd had this animation in my head for awhile for a promo video and decided to use a bit of the music to let the community on Twitter know a week or so before he launches.

I'd wanted to include Japanese subtitles, because I so often see how Cardano has an active following in Japan but so often it feels splintered from ours by virtue of language. Thanks to help from WYAM Pool in Japan, a kind person (and also a drummer!), he ensured the subs I used were accurate and would make sense to readers there. In this way, I could include the promo for both audiences.

All that said, the feelings of anxiousness (always) and elation at being done (always) are mixed with other emotions that I'm trying to figure out. At this age, I'd have thought to have already recognised all of them but clearly not; this feeling of sadness that it's done (I've already promised myself to paint him more for my own sake) and this chicken-leg-in-throat thing, I'm relatively sure, is being overcome with relief and...joy? Is that what it feels like? Or at least whatever version of joy my mind is prepared to accept as legitimate. For a moment I felt plugged into the sun.

To be clear nothing I make is ever really good enough. I see things, all the time, that could be better. Especially when it's someone like him, that means so much to me, always did, like my version of a battle angel...that's what Beethoven is to me. It's not just about the music, as beautiful as it is/was. It's about the person. He was given every possible reason to turn away from music -his father's abuse, his deafness, his financial struggles - and he didn't. He didn't, because he couldn't. It gave him life, it defined him, gave him purpose and sanctuary in a way that nothing else could.

As I'd written on Soundcloud...in this moment, I feel like my life has meaning again, and purpose, when before it was lacking. Like something in him comes through you and burns your heart up from the inside out. I - too foolish when younger - did not stick to the path for which I was probably intended. But I came back to it, better late than never. And even if my "purpose" is just to be a vessel trying her best to hold something unable to be fully held, even if I'm late to the party that he started....I'm okay with that.

Better the fire that burned out trying, than never to have been lit at all. He would have agreed with me.

"When I left out something in a passage, a note or a skip, which in many cases he wished to have specially emphasized, or struck a wrong key, he seldom said anything; yet when I was at fault with regard to the expression, the crescendo or matters of that kind, or in the character of the piece, he would grow angry. Mistakes of the other kind, he said were due to chance; but these last resulted from want of knowledge, feeling or attention. He himself often made mistakes of the first kind, even playing in public." - Ferdinand Ries, one of Beethoven's students

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